Episode Revisit: Torture

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[01:30] Hey, you weirdos, I'm Ash. And I'm Alayna. [01:35] And this is Morbid. [01:51] Okay, did you guys catch that that actually was not Big Red? I mean, I do a pretty good impression if you ask me. But guys, Big Red is feeling... [02:02] Not so not not big good. She's kind of feeling big bad, I would say. [02:06] So I'm here to introduce this episode on the ones and twos all by myself. [02:12] I actually feel probably the weirdest that I've ever felt. I think I recorded one episode by myself, like way back in the laundry room days. [02:20] And it's very weird to just stare at your computer and, [02:23] and not another person so all you solo um podcasters out there i really give you a lot of credit because how do you do it honey [02:31] Okay, before we get into today's case, which is going to be a little revisit, I believe this one is the medieval torture episode, which like, wow, we're really throwing it way back there, dolls. I think this might be when I asked if eagles had... [02:48] What did I say? Cubs. Eagles had cubs. So the good news is I'm more educated now. [02:54] They don't have cubs in case you're not as educated as me back then. [02:58] or the same level of educated that I was, apparently. Anyways, before we get into today's episode, we have two pieces of exciting news for you. Numero uno is if you're not on the social media, you don't know the big cool news.

[03:13] We partnered with Hunt a Killer, who was one of our, actually not one of, [03:19] our very first sponsor on this show so that is like the coolest thing ever that like this is just such a full circle moment [03:26] We collabed with them and we've been working for the past, like, I don't even know how many months, but months and months and months of work has gone into this. [03:34] And we developed a game with them called the Salem Slicer. I mean, can you think of a more perfect name for a game? The Salem Slicer? Like, that has Elena and Ash and Hunt a Killer written all over it. [03:46] So that is our new game collab. It's available right now for pre-order at Walmart, which is really freaking cool. Never did I ever think I'd have a game in Walmart. [03:56] It is a very, very fun game. There's all these clues. You have to solve this murder. It's from the 1980s. It's obviously based in Salem. So basically, the game starts with this young woman named Abigail. She finds this box of evidence, basically, in her father's attic. And all of this evidence and, like, all these newspaper clippings and these kind of just, like, weird snapshots, I guess you could say— [04:21] are in this box in her dad's attic and they're all tied to the Salem Slicer. And she's like, hold up. Is my own father, my flesh and blood father, the Salem Slicer? That would change our lives because this case is way back in the 1980s. So Abigail starts investigating and now it's your turn to start investigating because you need to solve the case of the Salem Slicer. And if you think that that sounds like the bee's knees, if you think that's just the coolest thing

[04:51] should, then you need to head over to Walmart to pre-order the game. Elena and I are so stoked about this. [04:58] So that's that. That's one piece of incredibly exciting news. And guess what? It's not over, doll faces. I got more for you. I truly feel like I'm hosting my own radio show just like in the dark right now. [05:09] It's really weird to talk to you guys completely by myself, but I love you. I feel close to you like this. [05:14] So second piece of news is Nicholas. Listen, listen, I know Nicholas is a controversial figure, but most of you love Nicholas. And if you say that you don't, I think you're [05:28] Maybe a little bit of a liar. Maybe a little bit of a liar, honey. I don't know. Or maybe you just don't know how to have fun. I'm just kidding. If you don't like him, it's fine. But if you do like him, this is really good news for you. There is a new shirt on the Morbid website officially. [05:44] And it is a Nicholas shirt. It is dedicated to our boy in the afterlife. So go check that out. Go pre-order the Salem Slicer and wish my sissy a big, you know, I never call her my sissy. Why did I just say that? [05:57] My sister. She's my sister. Which her... [06:01] healing vibes. Wish her healing vibes and so that she gets better soon because I don't really want to cut her stomach bug and I also hate staying away from her and most of you are probably sick of hearing me alone so maybe you're not maybe you love me. I love you. All right without further ado. [06:17] Let's get into the case. [06:20] Hey weirdos, I'm the Iron Maiden, and I'm the Breezin' Bull.

[06:24] And this is Morbid. Medieval. Pass the mutton. [06:30] Huzzah. Burn some heretics. Is this a competition? No, I won. [06:41] Thank you. [06:50] woo we're back and our sounds a little better yeah do we sound crisper shout out to our bro aiden yeah does he listen [07:08] I think he does. Okay. I'll make him listen for this one. Yeah, my nephew Aiden, he's amazing, and he let us take his fancy pants microphone. And his microphone is way cooler than our $30 one. So we're going to buy this microphone. We are going to buy it, and you'll never have to hear crappy audio again. Exactly. So hopefully from now on we're going to have crisper, cleaner, beautiful audio. Well, there was another kind of exciting true crime update. [07:35] This week? For a real bad guy. Yeah. You know that you always say he was a bad guy. He was a bad guy. A real bad guy. A real bad guy. You say that a lot. And it makes me laugh every time you say it. Because I'm a bad guy. I'm just very simple with my descriptions. I'm like, he's a bad dude, man. Bad boys, bad boys. What you gonna do? Oh, we might get sued for singing that. Let's not sing that. Well, I didn't finish it. I didn't finish it.

[08:00] Well, this bad guy is a real bad guy. He's a bad Larry. And he's the one that we premiered our podcast with. Joseph D'Angelo, the Golden State Killer, who is also officially the Visalia Ransacker, too. They've officially said that he's that guy. I mean, we need that. [08:21] One of the big things this week was that he was charged with a 13th murder now. [08:26] We had mentioned in the episode that there was a possibility that he was involved in the killing of Claude Snelling, who was shot while he was stopping the kidnapping of his 16-year-old daughter. Oh, my God. [08:37] And he died. [08:39] He was a community college teacher. He's officially charged with that now. So that's good because... [08:45] That family deserves closure. When does the trial? Do they have a date? I don't know. I want to watch it on TV. I'm waiting with bated breath. Do you think that it will be televised? I don't know. [08:56] To be honest. Well, it'll be on like a snap or like something later. Yeah, we'll find out about it later for sure. And we'll hear all the updates. You know, Nancy Grace will be on this shit. Oh, God. [09:07] That gives me anxiety. I mean... [09:10] He unfortunately can't be charged with any of the burglaries or rapes because there's a fucking statue of limitations on rape. [09:19] So he can't be charged with any of the rapes? Yeah, he's not charged with any of them. The Statue of Limitations expired. Oh, I think we talked about that, but it makes me shocked. Expired. It just makes me so angry every time I see it. Because he's charged with more than 50 rapes. Right. And he's just...

[09:30] I know he's going to go to jail until he dies, but it's like, and he's like 400 now, but it's like, I want him to be charged with those. And I'm sure those victims of the rapes would want him to be held accountable for him. They should give them at least some recognition. Hopefully the judge says something like, if I could, I would. Like a ceremonial charge. Sometimes they do like, you know what I mean though? Like judges can say like... [09:56] Oh yeah. If I could, I would. If I could, I would. Like there was, I forget what case it was, but she was like, if I could, I would sentence you for life. Oh yeah. I'm not allowed. Yeah. I can't remember. And she basically was just like, Oh, in the Jill Rifkin case. [10:09] Remember? Yes, yes. The judge was like, you're a disgusting monster. Mm-hmm. [10:14] and [10:15] I want to make sure. I think he said, like, I want to make sure that you never see freedom in this life or the next or something like that. Like, it was something very poetic and very, like. [10:24] Yeah, boy. I I'm not thinking that one. I'm thinking of a different one. And I'm like watching it in my head right now. Are you thinking of the woman judge from the. [10:34] Yeah, I know exactly. We're on the same page. Oh my god, what's his name? Larry. [10:38] Yeah. The doctor. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Remember? She went on, like, this big, long rant. Oh, yeah. And it was, like, amazing. And she, like, threw the letter that he wrote that was bitching about how unfair it was. Yeah, and just, like, laughed at him. How unfair it was, yeah. [10:47] Yeah. Yeah. So I hope something like that happens. We're talking about the U.S. gymnast. [10:53] Doctor. Yeah. Who is charged with like a billion sexual assaults and rapes. Because he's a monster. He's a bad fucking guy. But yeah. So that's exciting. True crime news. Hell yeah.

[11:03] But for today, we're going to bring it way back. We are taking a trip in the... [11:09] way back machine today. Which Joanna always says that she would not do if she had a time machine. Oh, I would [11:16] Never go back to the Middle Ages. That is not... If you were like... [11:22] I don't even think it's safe for like dudes. Well, do you know what I was going to say? Not safe. I almost just said I would only go back if I was royalty, but then sometimes even royalty, sometimes your head gets chopped off. Yeah. Yeah. [11:35] Especially if you're a woman, you're really... [11:37] Women are really not. Yeah. I wouldn't go back there. I also wouldn't go to the future. [11:41] No, I don't know what to expect. [11:44] No. I'd go to, like, the 70s and the 80s. I'd go back to, like, the 90s. [11:49] Yeah, I feel like we're in the 90s. I could watch, like, Are You Afraid of the Dark? Yeah. And just chill. Actually, realistically, I'd just go back to when I was, like, 10 so that I wouldn't have to work anymore. And I would just stay there for a while. Just chill for a little while. Or I'd go to the future because maybe someday... [12:06] like [12:07] I'll just, like, have my partner make money. You just said you weren't going to go to the future. No, I just, but I was rethinking it. You changed your plan. I would take a sneak peek. Yeah, there you go. And then if it was real bad, I would go real. Yeah, just step out. [12:20] sniff around, see what's going on and then get right the fuck back in. But if I could be lazy in the future I'm all about it. Oh yeah. [12:27] I think everybody would be all about that. Take me there. Who doesn't want to be lazy? [12:31] Yeah. I want to be lazy. Mail? The mailman just came and scared the shit out of me. So there's that. Yeah, guys, we're actually recording in the middle of the day, which is weird because we never record in the daytime. And I love that we're like more spooked out during the day. We are very much like moon dwellers. We are. Like the sun's out. I'm like, what's happening?

[12:53] Why is it so bright? I'm in all black currently. This is the worst. Sabrina the Teenage Witch is on the television as per usual. [13:00] Literally. Should we... [13:02] Should we jump on in? [13:03] So, in 570... No, I'm just kidding. Today we're going to be covering... [13:09] Various methods and devices used in torture. Oh, yeah. So this is kind of, we're going way back. [13:17] Because these aren't... [13:19] Not that I know of, at least used. And if they are, I don't want to know about it. Except maybe one of them, but we'll cover that later. I kind of offer animals. [13:28] Just do it. [13:29] Actually, it went away. [13:32] I really had to. All right, so should I start? Yeah, where Ash is going to do hers, and then I'm going to do a list of mine. Because guess what weird is? Ash did some research this week. Ash researched. Too serious. At the top of the page is the brazen bull. The brazen bull. That's my first... [13:50] What's it called? My first, like... Torture device. Device. Yeah. My first torture device. And it was invented somewhere between 570 and 554 BC. BC. So, like, way, way back. Yeah. [14:03] It was invented by Perilos of Athens. Perilos is a great name. Perilos. [14:10] It's like goatee. He's just like periling. It sounds perilous, so it sounds like... Well, just wait, actually. You're dangerous. [14:17] Dangerous. Yeah. Dangerous. Dangerous. [14:20] So Perilous was a bronze worker, and he designed the Brazen Bull to execute criminals in a super chill way. Yeah, sounds pretty chill so far. Actually, I'm kidding. It was really fucked up. Oh.

[14:31] That's weird. Yeah. So the brazen bull was a legit statue of a bull, and it was hollow but made of bronze. That's pretty. So I read an article on allthatsinteresting.com, and the article was really interesting. Yeah. You know what? That website has... [14:47] All of that is interesting. Yeah, that actually does. Yeah. [14:50] But it was described as a human crockbot on this website. That sounds delicious. And potentially the most fucked up torture device in history. Yeah. [15:01] Because I use a crockpot often. For humans? But I don't normally put humans in it. Yeah, it's just like a celebratory. Usually I throw some chicken and some veggies in there. Right. [15:12] But after this, maybe... [15:14] I'll give it a shot. Yeah, I hope it's not with me, though, because you need a podcast host. That's true. Okay, cool, bye. Yeah, it won't be for you. All right, so basically in ancient Greece, there was a colony which is Acragus. Acragus. I love it. It's now Sicily. I like that better. Just Sicily. I'm just going to call it Sicily. Yeah, and it was ruled by a tyrant named Phalaris. [15:35] So don't get yourself mixed up here. There's Paralos, there's Falaris. Ooh, that's a lot of Ps. All right. He rolled with an iron fist. Wait, wait, I just got confused. Yeah, just totally not to. Paralos, Falaris. Okay. Paralos, Falaris. Okay. According to Aiden, we don't need a pop filter on this. Ooh. So that's exciting. Hopefully we'll find out. Yeah, so we can go pop, pop, pop, pop. [15:54] And it's not going to piss you off. Your eyes got wicked wide. Which is kind of terrifying. So, Phalaris was a giant asshole. I felt like he would be. But Perilos was like, oh my god, I'm going to make this brass ball torture device and my master Phalaris is going to think it's super dope. Because he's a big dick. Yeah, he's a dick and I'm going to make him a dickish invention so that he thinks I'm wicked cool. Yeah. I see his train of thought. I'm with him. I smell what he's stepping in.

[16:24] Thank you. [16:24] And then a fire is lit underneath. Ah, the crockpot aspect. Yeah, so basically the porn bofo just, like, burns alive. Fun. [16:31] Yeah, it's really chill. I wonder if they have, like, a low and high setting, like a crockpot, where you can, like... [16:37] simmer them on low for a little while. Well, I think in that case, you would just make a small fire. Oh, there you go. And then you could just keep adding wood to the fire. Oh, there you go. So then you would get more tender meat. You know, this was BC. It was like they had to just work with what they had. Yeah. [16:51] But I feel like they were on it. [16:52] No, this is like some like modern day shit. Like I was like, Paralos, how did you come up with this? Who you be, Paralos? Like, how'd you know this? [17:00] So he designed it so that the pipes and whistles that he, like, put inside the bowl... [17:05] convert the screams of those inside to sounds of a bull snorting and grunting. So this poor, like, SOB is like, but the people on the outside are like, like, that's what it sounds like. That's what a bull sounds like. Bulls just walk around going, Well, can you do your best bull impression then, please? I like that one, to be honest. Well, they also snort. Because I'm just picturing bulls walking around being like, Well, bulls are mad. They're just, like, grunting. Fuck you. [17:35] I bet he festooned it, though. Like, he made it fun. He did. He literally added the bells and whistles onto it. Well, so, you know, he made it really fun. Yeah. But supposedly he was the first victim of it. Oh, saw that coming, I feel. Yeah. He told Phalaris. Sorry, I just totally lost my train of thought. That's fine. So supposedly he told Phalaris goodbye. He told that guy. So he said to this guy, His screams will come to you through the pipes as the tenderest, most pathetic,

[18:05] bellowings. Ooh. And Phalaris was really disgusted by that because he was messed up, but he was like, that's messed up. He was like, I have a line. Yeah. And you just went way past it. Every tyrant dictator person has a line. And this was part of Phalaris's line. So he was so disgusted that he threw him inside. [18:23] He threw Paralos inside. And in my notes I wrote, Phalaris was so disgusted that he threw Phalaris inside. But he threw Paralos inside. He was so disgusting. They just jumped right in there. They just threw himself inside of the bowl. He's like, you know what? Goodbye, cruel world. Light that fire. I hate that people like you exist. I'm just jumping in here. Yeah, no, he threw Paralos inside to test out the sound system. Just to test it out. He wanted to know. We're just going to give it a shot. We just want to adjust the sound. [18:53] bit. Right. Jump in there real quick. You know, just like, let's see what we're working with. Yeah. So it's unclear if he got pulled out before he died inside or if he was killed after, but either way, Phalaris had Perlis killed. [19:07] I imagine he probably did it in the brazen bull because they were like poetic as fuck. Oh, yeah. And they were like, oh, you made this. So we're going to burn you in it. Well, either way, he died because I just thought of something really gross. The smell. [19:19] Well, that, but also, can you imagine being the person that has to clean inside of it? [19:24] Between people? Do you think they even did that then? Probably not. But it's like... [19:27] When you open that thing, it's probably just like people juice. [19:30] All up in there? Yeah. [19:33] That's nasty. Maybe they just, like, emptied it out into, like...

[19:36] Imagine being the person who was empty that shit out. Well, they just used to throw their poop in the street back then. I know, but it's just like... [19:43] You just like turn your head the other way and toss it out the window. You know what it is? I have like this weird thing where I don't like wet food. [19:51] No, that's not a weird thing. Like, you know when you put a plate in the sink, like, someone will put a full plate in the sink. Yeah, I don't like that either. And food gets soggy? Yeah. Yeah. [19:57] That. Like the stuff that gets caught in the drain blocker. Rips me out. I can't. So I just imagine like soggy people and that's. [20:04] That's real bad. That's kind of like how raisins remind me of old people. Exactly. Yeah. That's exactly the same. I just, I don't know. You said soggy people, so I thought of just, like, really old people. But you thought of saggy people. Yes! I see where the connection was made. Okay, so the next one is The Iron Maiden. The Iron Maiden. Not the band. So metal. [20:27] Is that one of their songs? That's definitely one of their songs. I don't know a single one. It sounded just like it. [20:34] Yeah. Ash has a really good air guitar up by her shoulder. Well, I'm really comfy. It was like an air violin. Oh, it was like one of those people that you watch, Two Cellos? Yes, I love Two Cellos. Yeah, I bet they could cover an Iron Maiden song. They're so good. I'm just itching my heart. They probably have covered an Iron Maiden song now that I think about it. [20:55] They've covered an ACDC song. Thong.

[21:00] Oh, man. All right. Well, we're not talking about the band. This is the... [21:05] Torture device. Yeah. And it comes to you straight from the likes of Miss Trumbles, the Chokey. Oh, snap. Bringing it back to Matilda. And if you don't get that reference, then get on my face. I also thought that you were going to say it comes straight to you. Like it comes to you. Somebody throws it right at you. And I was like, well, at least it does that. No, it doesn't. So it's an upright sarcophagus to get started. Oh, okay. With spikes inside. Already. This sounds okay. [21:31] Yeah, it's, like, comfy. Yeah. You just go and take a nap inside. For sure. And you just avoid the spikes. Yeah. Except. But once you're placed inside and the doors are closed, the strategically placed spikes pierce several of your vital organs. I mean... [21:48] Was there an ant on you or something? No. I thought there was something. Things are happening right now. We're in the daytime. We don't know how to do this. We don't function in the daytime. I need the moon. Yeah. I need some bats fluttering by. I feed off the energy of the moon. I feed off the energy of the moon. We have an exciting announcement. And now you have to listen to the whole rest of the podcast because we're going to announce it at the end. Ha ha ha. [22:09] Okay, so it pierces your vital organs. Is the moon coming on your podcast? Yes. We're having an astronaut on the podcast. The actual moon is coming. What's that guy that your kids like? Scott Kelly. Scott Kelly's going to be on the podcast. My two and a half year olds are obsessed with Scott Kelly. [22:26] Yeah, so there's that. But, um... Vital organs, spikies. Yeah, no good. But... No good. The spikes were long enough to make your...

[22:35] organs shut down immediately. That's unfortunate. So you just bleed out. Oh, yeah. [22:39] Yeah. Yeah. No, I'd just rather... [22:41] It'd all be. Boom. Yeah, it would take like... I mean, I'm sure you know how long it would take... Oh, so you just stand there... [22:46] Bleeding out. And slowly have your fucking organs shut down. [22:51] And, like, organ juice floating out of your... Ugh. Well, you know, like, when you... You see floating, like it's floating in front of you. When you go to, like... [23:00] Like when something hits you, you move back. So then you probably just move back into another one. And then you try to move forward. So every time you move... That makes me claustrophobic. [23:07] Yeah. I just took a breath. So this might make you feel better. Oh, good. Sometimes people argue with the Iron Maiden as fact or fiction. That kind of bums me out. [23:17] Yeah, I mean, either way, it was a thing, and if it was a thing back then, they used it. Well, and we're the worst species ever. [23:24] Ever. So I'm certain it was used because if all of these other ones were done, then, I mean, this one isn't even as bad as some. [23:32] No, it's really not. Okay, well, these are a few accounts. Okay. So in the 1700s, German philosopher Johann Philipp Siebenkis... Ooh. [23:41] You're welcome. I like it. He wrote about a coin forger, which I think is just somebody that, like, makes fake money. Yeah, that makes sense. Or, like... Or, like, just forges coins out of metals. Yeah, because, like, if you think, like, she forged a check, like, you write a bad check. Like, you're just... Or, like, a fake-ass check. You're a fake-ass hoe. You're a fake-ass bitch. Yeah. Yeah. So, he was in... That's what he was. So, the guy that wrote about this, Johan... Oh, motorcycle just drove by. You probably heard that. Well, you know, I just can't stop the outside. My neighbor got a motorcycle, and I'm so...

[24:09] happy for him which neighbor one down the street okay elena has this neighbor i'm 100 percent sure he doesn't listen to the podcast yeah i'm pretty sure he is like the nicest guy and he's so funny and his laugh is literally the most contagious laugh you've ever heard and it bellows throughout the neighborhood he almost okay i started watching dog the bounty hunter again the other day because that is something i don't know if i can support [24:34] Support it. It's a great show. I'm not going to say that. I was raised watching Dogmoney Hunter. [24:39] Wow. [24:40] Yeah, which says a lot about how I was brought up. But hi, Mom. So anyways, it sounds just like Dog the Bounty Hunter's laugh. I've never heard Dog the Bounty Hunter's laugh. Well, it sounds like the impression I just said. I can't even say that sentence correctly, so... [24:53] So far out of that, my favorite part of yesterday's episode that I was watching was Beth had a necklace on that said, big daddy. Yeah. [25:00] I hate this. It's the most disgusting word thing ever. I hate this. But she calls him Big Daddy. I hate it. [25:08] Okay, I'm done. I hate it a lot. Where was I going with your neighbors? I don't know. I was saying that I'm very happy for my neighbor who got a motorcycle recently. Yeah. [25:18] And, um, [25:19] I don't know if, like... [25:20] The sarcasm is registering. She's not happy. Over the podcast waves, but... [25:26] Not super psyched about it. [25:27] Alright, so the coin forger got executed. Oh, we got there. He got executed in the Iron Maiden in the city of... [25:34] I think you say Nuremberg. Nuremberg. Nuremberg. That seems like a not-proportionate.

[25:40] punishment. Yeah, like, I don't know. He probably just could have did some time. Yeah. What's the thing where they put your head and then you're... The stocks. The stocks. Just throw them in there for, like, a couple days. It's fine. Yeah. All right, so around that time, Iron Maidens began to appear in museums around the U.S. and Europe. Bless you. Bless you. [25:58] According to one article I read... Yes, you do. [26:01] God bless you. A man by the name of Matthew Peacock, which seems legit. Paul Onions. Paul Onions and Matthew Peacock. Write a book. They hang. Yeah. In the 1800s. Yeah. I bet Paul Onions has transported through time. Yeah, he's seen some shit. [26:17] He escaped with Ivan Milat. Milat. He's had to have traveled through space and time. Probably. Well, Matthew Peacock's from the 1800s collecting paintings and torture devices. Yeah. [26:27] Same. He had a wide variety of interests. So he allegedly pieced an Iron Maiden together from pieces of other torture devices slash random devices. And he gifted it to a museum where people went crazy over it. Because they thought it was a real Iron Maiden? Yeah, they believed it. What a turd. [26:46] Yeah, but here's my favorite one. This one... Okay, you know how folklore isn't always true? Yes. I feel like this isn't true, but I want it to be true. Ooh. It's just a little too advanced for the time of 100 BC. I don't know, they were pretty... [27:02] They were pretty on it back then. All right, so this account comes from Greek historian... [27:07] Polybius. See, and I know him, and he always tells the truth. Oh, okay. So you can believe this. Well, how do I pronounce his name? Exactly how you did. Polybius. Exactly. Lived around 100 BC, like I said, and claimed that Spartan tyrant Nabus

[27:21] Or Nabus. Oh, yeah. I know that guy. Yeah. Well, did you know that he constructed a mechanical likeness of his wife, Opega? [27:30] That is really advanced fur. But it was an Iron Maiden version of his wife. What the fuck? Supposedly. So if a citizen refused to pay their taxes, he would, like, trick them into coming to his royal courts or whatever it was back then. And then they would think that, like, his wife was coming to join them. Yeah. [27:49] His fucking mechanical wife. Yeah, but she had to wheel over, so I'd be like, first fucking giveaway, she's on wheels. It sounds like the Return to Oz, the wheeler's. [28:01] Yeah, well, it just sounds ridiculous. He's come rolling down the hill. So, they would think that his wife was there, because they're really fucking dumb, apparently. But, and then somehow... [28:11] Basically, he would like spring them into her embrace where they'd be impaled by the iron nails that covered her arms, hands and breasts. [28:19] I mean, that sounds legit. Yeah. I believe it fully. When I was reading it, I was like, I don't know. Like, something is off. Maybe I missed something. I don't know. Yeah. It sounds legit to me. [28:32] I believe it. I believe Pullwood, you know, that guy. Well, maybe they debate if it's still around, but the fucking crazy stories are still there. That's awesome. Yeah. Iron Maiden. So that was the Iron Maiden. The metal Iron Maiden. Yeah. My next one is the boots. Oh, Das Boots. [28:48] And then, okay, so there's two methods that I found. And both of them, I don't know if it's, like, fortunate or unfortunate. Ruh-roh. You don't die. Yeah.

[28:58] Oh, it's never good when it ends with like, this is just torture. Yeah, you're not going to die. You're going to walk away from it or you're going to crawl away from this or slither away from this. Seriously. Seriously. [29:08] Okay, so in the first method, the victim has boots placed on their feet made of spongy leather. [29:13] That just sounds nice. [29:14] It just sounds like soggy food. [29:18] Ooh, spongy leather, soggy food. It's like moist. Old people raisins. Fuck you. The word moist doesn't bother me. Is that why you keep saying it? Moist cake. [29:27] That's what I think of. [29:28] Moist. [29:29] I think it's just the nasty-ass look on your face that ruins it. That word only bothers me if people say it in, like, a yucky way. Yeah. Like, I'm moist for being outside. Yeah, that's so cool. Like, if you don't want people to be moist. Yeah, that really... That browned it somewhere. Yeah, I just meant sweaty. Well, that's what I mean. Yeah. See, you just browned it somewhere. I meant sweaty, too. So the boots. That's boots. [29:59] Um, spongy leather. They're then tied up with their feet by fire. Things get pretty serious pretty quick, is what you're saying. No, they're just trying to make them relax. Here's some boots. [30:09] Worn your feet. Let me just bring you up by a fire real quick. Yeah, just like hang out. Yeah. But then I'm going to pour this boiling water onto your boots. [30:18] That escalated quickly. So then that water seeps through the leather and dissolves the flush. And it said it dissolves the bone, too.

[30:29] Yeah, I don't think so. It's really hard to get rid of bone. And then in some cases, wood was placed inside the boot, like probably like on the top and the bottom. And then they would pour oil inside to expand the wood and cut off the circulation to the foot. So they'd like smush it, is what I thought. [30:48] Yeah, so basically your feet are just real gnarly [30:51] Gross. From then on. And then in the second version... If you cut off circulation long enough, they'll die. Yeah. [30:56] See you. Let's have a big piece. [30:58] necrotic nasty feet. Yeah, their feet will die, but they won't. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Oh, okay. Their feet will die. [31:03] Oh, yeah. [31:04] Gross. [31:04] Dead feet. [31:05] I'm just looking at my feet now. Ouch. I know. I'm like cradling my feet right here. You are. With my hand, I'm like massaging it like, you still there? You're there. You're okay. Don't listen. Don't listen to me. I'm not putting you in any boots. Don't worry about it. Okay, well, the second version, cradle your feet a little, and your shins a little tighter. Oh, no. [31:23] So they would place the victim's legs between two planks of wood, and then they would tie it together with cords. Oh, I already know what this is. And then between the cords, the torturers would place wedges. [31:34] which they would then violently hammer into the shins of the victim. [31:39] So... [31:40] thus creating them [31:41] Wood boots. Oh. Ow. Those aren't boots. That's not cool. It's up for artistic license. That's like hobbling from Misery. Yeah. That Stephen King novel. That sounds horrible. It's a great movie with Kathy Bates. [31:58] Okay, well, each time a wedge was hammered, a small portion of the shin bone shatters. Oh. And then they would hammer at least a dozen wedges up and down the legs. Oh, my damn. So, like, your whole tibia? Yeah, your tibia would just fucking... Is just done for. Like, it falls apart. Ugh.

[32:15] So then your legs are just like jello legs. [32:18] And you just have bone shards floating around. Would you die? Which you'd eventually get an infection. [32:23] And die. Probably. Because anytime they got an infection back then, you die. Shit got real. Because they had nothing to fix that. Well, so, and anyways, they were unable to walk after that. Yeah, exactly. So they probably just killed them. So you just slithered away and then died from infection. Mm-hmm. [32:36] Sounds good. So is the boots. Dust boots. [32:49] Getting scared is one thing. Getting a thrill is, well, you want more of those in your life. The Genesis GV70 is built to thrill, baby. A thrilling yet elegant design always makes driving the GV70 an exciting adventure. Its powerful athletic stance screams performance and turns heads. Everybody's looking at you, girl or boy or whoever. Command the road and experience a class [33:19] modes for all different terrains. Choose between the different terrain modes for whatever road conditions you may encounter. The Genesis GV70's award-winning technology and performance lets you drive with comfort and drive with confidence all at the same time. It's an exciting SUV with intuitive tech that can make your ride smooth even when the road isn't. And its blind spot cameras allow you to see what's next to you. It's like having eyes on the side of your head. That's

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[35:21] good neighbor, State Farm is there. [35:28] Next one is going to piss you off. Uh-oh. The Scolds Bridal. [35:33] was a gruesome torture instrument. [35:35] Warned to prevent women from gossiping. [35:37] Goddamn women. Just like a big fuck you to guys back then. Like I can gossip if I want to. I can talk shit if I want to. I gossip all day. Yeah. Every day. You are a hairstylist. That's part of your job. [35:51] I mean, you're not wrong. [35:53] So basically the term speaks for itself because back in the day, scold was like a derogative term for women. [35:59] Or, like, a woman who was constantly displeased or, like, nagged too much. So, like, you. I was just gonna say. Yeltsi. Just kidding. And then the bridle is a headpiece designed for a horse. I was gonna say, isn't that, like, a horse? Yeah, the bridle is. So already, that's nice. So it's to direct it when, like, riding. Yeah. The device is an iron muzzle enclosed in iron framework that would surround the head of the accused. That sounds like that thing in Saw. [36:29] speaking [36:30] And sometimes... Well, the brittle bit would go in your mouth. But sometimes... [36:35] They would put a spike on the bridle bit. Always. Or the bridle bit, excuse me. So that... [36:40] if the woman tried to talk, like, the movement would pierce her tongue. Oh, like, cut up her tongue. And, like, then if you... [36:46] It would just ruin your whole mouth. Did they just have, like, somebody had, like, a mountain of surplus spikes lying around? You know there was a spike factory. All the time, and they were like, what do we do with this mountain of spikes? And they were like, let's just make some fucking shit that rips people apart with it. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly the combo. Spikes on everything. So if that wasn't bad enough, there's also a public humiliation part of this. I thought that was the public humiliation part. But then your husband would drag you in the streets on a leash. Marriage.

[37:16] You asshole. Um, where people were encouraged to yell insults, spit on you and... [37:23] like inflict more violence on you. Maybe that's where they got it in Game of Thrones. That's what I was thinking of the whole time. With the shame bow. Shame. Shame. Sounds exactly like it. [37:33] An early record of this practice took place in Scotland. Scotland. I felt like this isn't anything to share about. In 1567. [37:43] Well, it was also, the method was also used in England and Wales. Yeah, see, they did it too. Yeah, everywhere, I'm sure. But Bessie... [37:51] tail-y-fur, basset, basset, slandered this guy named Bailey, which is your dog's name, Bailey, Bailey Hunter, because of false measurements in a land dispute. [38:02] So I think someone was trying to buy land and he was like, it's this big. But she was like, no, bitch, it's this big. And then she got that shit put on her? Yep, because she was a woman. And she was sentenced to it for one hour. Yeah. [38:13] One hour? [38:14] That's just weird. Well, one hour of irreputable damage if they had the smoke thing. Yeah, they could tear up your tongue. Right. Also, in Walton-on-Thames, which is a town in England, I think, a scolds bridle. I looked on Wikipedia really fast. That's how I research. But a scolds bridle dated 1633 is displayed in the vestry of the church in [38:37] That's how we say it. Vestry? You're asking the wrong person about that? Yeah, I wasn't even baptized. The inscription reads... It sounds like something that would be in a church. I think it's vestry. I like it. Right in.

[38:49] But it says, Chester presents the Walton with a bridle to curb women's tongues that talk too idle. Necessary and also... Poetic. Love that it's a poem. You know, I didn't realize that until I said it out loud. I was writing it and I was like, what a fucking asshole. I feel like this sounds so flowery. I don't know why. [39:07] Chester lost a large fortune because of the ladies gossip. I bet it was Chester's fault. [39:12] Of course it was. It had nothing to do with the ladies' gossip. [39:15] But he lost some money, and then he presented the town with the bridal out of anger and spite. [39:20] So he was like, here you go, I'm real pissed. And then my last one. [39:24] Do you want to guess what it's called? It's called... VR is the initials. [39:29] the... [39:30] Barnacle repairer. [39:33] Nope, it's the breast ripper. Oh, so close. So it rips off your titties. Oh, I thought it went on your head. Nope. So it's also known as the iron spider, or just the spider. And you guessed it. Super fucked up. Super awesome. But if you were real offended by the Skulls Bible... If you were friended. If you were friended by the Skulls Bible... If you were friended by the Skulls Bible, then that's weird. Delete your Facebook. Yeah. [39:59] Then this one, you should just sit it out, because... [40:02] It was messed up. It sounds like it's... Yeah. And they, like, reserved, like, special-ass torture for girls. Yeah. That was nice of them. So this one's really short and sweet and to the point. [40:11] It was a claw-like device, ended in spikes, and they either heated it or left it cold. [40:17] I don't know which one is worse. They would just put it on your boobies and rip your boobs right off. Or they would, like, hang it on a wall and then attach your boobies to it and then, like, yank you away.

[40:29] So that the wall ripped your boobies off, kind of. Oh. And that is all my research on boobs. [40:39] In the medieval times? I'm still, like, having a moment about that. Are you? Yeah. Yeah, my boobs hurt real bad, like, thinking about that after I, like, researched. Yeah, that's a lot. And my tongue hurt because of the scolds bridle. Yeah, I feel like everybody's going to walk away from this feeling really sore. My organs hurt because of the Iron Maiden. Yeah, that's not okay. And I felt like I was on fire because of the brazen bull. Well, I'll start mine off with one that's like the breast ripper in the sense that it... [41:07] Just gives you everything right up front. You don't have to guess what this one is all about. Okay. Okay. [41:12] It's called the Head Crusher. Like I said, pretty straightforward. It's back in medieval times, of course. Sorry. I was actually throwing things. So what it was, was there was a bar. [41:22] that you would place your chin onto, [41:25] Then on top of your head was a cap-like device. There was a little screw... [41:30] on top that they would twist and twist and twist. And eventually it was like a vice and your head would go crunch, pop, pop, pop, pop, [41:39] Boom. It was pretty awesome. So your head would basically pop. [41:42] And it would be crushed And this happens super slowly Super painfully And the first thing that would happen Stresses me out a lot Was that your teeth Your teeth would shatter in your mouth Oh fuck I hate teeth things Yeah and then after that your eyes would pop out of its sockets Oh [41:59] No. Yeah. No goodbye. And then boop.

[42:02] Good. [42:03] Pop goes your head. Oh, that's good. Except once in a while, because a lot of these were like illicit confessions or just for punishment. [42:11] So if they were doing this to elicit a confession... [42:14] They might stop. [42:15] After they've popped your eyes out of your head, or like halfway have popped your eyes, and your teeth have shattered, and been like, okay, thank you for confessing. Like the guy from Harry Potter. And then you walk away with no teeth, and your eyes are like garbage. [42:28] Yikes. Yeah. That reminds me of the guy from Harry Potter with that big old eye. Yeah. That's exactly the same. Oh. And a lot of these, now a lot of the ones I'm going to go over were done. [42:38] For such heinous crimes like homosexuality. Bye. Blasphemy. Bye. Witchcraft. Bye. Yeah. So. I would have my head cloned. Rijon. No, I don't think anybody would do great. [42:55] So the first big one I'm going to go over. [42:59] is called... [43:01] The Blood Eagle. Oh, this one's fucked up. I know about this. Great, like, hard, like, dark metal band name. Oh, gosh. So... [43:08] It's probably the most nightmarish thing I've ever heard happening to a human being. Take yourself to your happy place. It was popular among Vikings. [43:17] The Vikings are just fucked up. They're known as a very mellow bunch. [43:21] So this is a departure. And it's believed by some scholars to be something done as an offering to the Norse god of war, Odin, before and after battles. So like for good luck or something. [43:32] Like, you know, some people... Like, maybe just wear your lucky socks. Yeah. It's the same. Rub a rabbit's foot, call it a day. Pretty much the same. Call it a day. And according to 12th and 13th century scholars, it was most popular in Scandinavia, because Vikings. Uh-huh. And it was reserved when it wasn't being used just as, like, a pump-up thing for battle. This is just like a pregame. As a pregame for battle. Then it was used for literally the worst of the worst people. I don't think anybody's served this, but... No, I don't think so.

[44:02] little something like this no the unfortunate captive would be kneeling or laying on their stomach it's already from there yeah not a good position to be in just try to get up obviously they would be restrained in some way to prevent them from getting up or breaking free or trying to get the fuck up out of her because something bad's gonna happen so first the back was carved [44:25] Nope. Sometimes it would be carved in the shape of an eagle, but that was not necessary. But either way, the thing that was the most important was that they opened up your back. [44:35] In some way. [44:36] That was the main purpose. When they did that, [44:39] The victim's ribcage was then cut away from the spine with an axe, and subsequently pulled out one by one away from the spine and out through the back. And the ribcage was then pulled up to slightly resemble wings, which I have not seen a bird flying around. [44:59] With a ribcage shot out of its back. But I'm not in Scandinavia, so I don't know. Maybe birds are different. Scandinavian listeners. Take a picture. Scandinavian listeners, let us know. [45:10] I'm spooked. Do you have crazy skeleton birds floating around? I don't know. I want pictures. I'm not going to guarantee it's not a thing. Picture it didn't happen. So, you would really have to suspend reality or give a lot of artistic license for this to resemble an eagle, but we're going with it. So, to make the wing look, you know, because this is [45:30] This looked like a bird, obviously, but...

[45:32] We could get it more authentic, right? So to take it to an entirely new level of suffering. Oh, no. No. [45:39] The victim's lungs were then pulled out one at a time and laid over the ribs, because what are wings without fleshy air bags stripped over them? [45:50] I mean... I'm in a dark place. A dark place. Who hasn't seen a bird flying around with fleshy airbags attached to them? [46:02] Who among us? Who? I don't know, bro. So obviously if the victim managed to somehow live through this torture, which who knows, stranger things have happened, they would just slowly suffocate to death after their lungs were pulled out through their back. On top of that, [46:17] They would rub salt in the victim's wounds because... Throughout the whole time or just after at the end? Throughout the whole time because, like, if you don't season... [46:26] As you go. [46:27] then the end result is doesn't turn out the crock pot. Yeah, it's not any... I watch a lot of Food Network, and they are always saying... [46:35] Season that meat. [46:36] Ew. [46:37] So it's important. [46:38] So what was this for? Like, what did you have to do? [46:41] You're just a bad guy. Probably. It's a real bad guy. Yeah, just being a real bad guy. Uh-huh. Or gal. I don't know if they've done it. I don't see any records of it happening to gals, but Vikings, man. Major yikes. So that's the Blood Eagle. [46:54] Oh, man. [46:56] Now let's take a little trip over to the Strapido. Strapido. Strapido. Also called Corda. Not sure why. Corda? Yeah.

[47:04] I like Strappado better. Yeah. It was used to torture heretics, witches, and anyone else that stepped out of the very fine line of living in medieval times. Yeah, like, what could you do? Basically, it's like, you had a bad day, and now you're... [47:17] in the Strapado. It was used a lot during the Spanish Inquisition [47:21] That was a fucked up time. It was a time. [47:24] It was a moment. It was a day. There were three main ways in which this was administered. The first one was the victim's arms are tied behind their backs with a rope. Also never in a good position. Yeah, no. And then the rope is attached to a pulley system, and the victim is lifted into the air with their arms inverted, which... [47:42] They then dislocate violently behind them. [47:45] Now, the second method is basically the same as the first, except the victims would be stopped in midair several times to increase the pain and suffering. [47:53] They would also cause the victim to jerk around so that they would effectively break the shoulders. [47:58] Because who needs shoulders? Shoulders? Like, that's... Yeah, that's no joke. That's pain. And then the third method was kind of the same as the first two, except this time they, you know... [48:06] Just add a weight to your ankles so that you really get your joints ripped apart. Oh, my God. So that's fun. Now, usually this torture was completed within an hour, and it was not used to cause death. So these people were then let down, and away you go. Come again soon. And then you're just going to have rotator cuff problems for your whole life. Yeah, that's exactly the issue you're going to have. Just a busted rotator cuff. So that's a strap-o-dough. [48:30] The next one... [48:32] is called The Rack. Oh no, I know about this shit. This one's fun. So in The Rack, a victim would be secured to a board of some sort by having their wrists and ankles cuffed to it. No. It's never good when you're secured to a board, as you will see when we cover John Wayne Gacy.

[48:51] Never a good place to be. Fuck that guy. Nothing good happens attached to a board. He's so weird. Also, Dean Correll, I think he's the board. [48:58] - Ooh. [48:59] A lot of boards. This was along the same lines. It's real bad. [49:03] So then chains would be attached to the cuff and the other end of the chains would attach to a wheel. [49:08] There was a crank that would then turn said wheel, and this would cause the chains to slowly tighten. Oh, no. Now, as this happened, it was pulling your arms and legs and stretching them. Goodbye. But not just stretching. [49:22] The joints, sockets, ligaments, tendons would all completely snap and crash. Ugh! [49:28] Now, sometimes they would even go way past stretching and just pull the fucking limbs right off your body. Fuck you. Now, if they didn't take it that far, the muscles would completely lose the ability to contract, and at some point, this person would be... [49:42] They're completely unable to move and likely unable to control, like, basic bodily functions, like their bowels. I feel like at the end of this, they probably just, like, left them to die. Like, I don't... You know what I mean? Like, they're just like, hmm, I'm not gonna totally kill you, but... Exactly. I'm just gonna leave you here now. Because you're gonna die anyway, so it's, like, it's gonna be slow or it's gonna be relatively quick. So there were... [50:04] other variations on this method that were common. Like along with the stretching, sometimes the rack would include [50:10] A bed of nails. Or spikes. [50:13] So the person would lay upon these sharp objects while they were being stretched. What, if they just had any spikes left over from everything else they laid? If they were next to a pile of spikes, they would just throw a few on there, and they were like, let's do this. Oh, and there were spikes everywhere in those days. Yeah, we don't want to waste spikes.

[50:28] No. Somebody made those. Now this clearly caused a lot of [50:34] fucked up noises. Ugh. If you've ever cracked your knuckles, cracked your back, heard anybody else do it, um, I broke my pelvis when I was, like, in... [50:43] Summer going into eighth grade. Mm-hmm. And that pop that you hear, people, like, across my summer camp said that they heard it. And it was, like, gross. Yeah, it's no joke. I can, like, still hear it. Yeah. It's disgusting. And that's just, like, a small portion of what you'd hear here. Oh, God. Because... [50:58] So many things would be crackalackin'. Well, for this reason, torture wasn't only used for the unfortunate person attached to the rack. It was also used as a method of eliciting a confession from accused heretics by having them watch someone else be tortured on the rack. [51:15] The sound inside of someone's tendons, ligaments, and joints just fucking tearing apart and popping all over the place was actually enough torture that it turns out that this was a pretty effective method. [51:27] for eliciting a confession, because if you think about it, you're fucking watching somebody be pulled apart. [51:31] Slowly. That's so messed up. And the sounds would drive you mad. Yeah. [51:36] So, yeah, that's the rack. That's the rack. That's the rack. And that's a wrap. She'll be called the ripper. Ripper. The ripper. The rack ripper. Ouchie. [51:47] That's what the breasts... [51:49] Ripper. Should have been called the Rack Ripper. [51:51] Oh, that's funny. Oh, that's funny. Oh, my God. That was funny. Good job. Incredulous. You're, like, sometimes hilarious. I am sometimes. Only a little bit.

[52:03] On to the next. On to the next one. This one's called The Wheel. [52:08] It's also called the Catherine Wheel or the Braking Wheel. [52:11] Bye, Catherine. [52:12] Because, fuck, you know Catherine. [52:14] You know what she's all about. [52:16] I know. This was used during the Spanish Inquisition. Okay. It was the cousin of the rack. Okay. [52:22] Zerat. Zerat. And it was intended for the purpose of capital punishment or for torture to illicit confessions. Good. Samesies. [52:30] So there would be a large wagon wheel Where the accused would be stretched out all over [52:36] Oh, God. Just hanging out. They would be attached to it, some way restrained. And then they would be severely beaten with clubs, thick branches, and, you know, stuff like that. No thanks. And because they were stretched out on a wheel with open spaces between all the spokes, their bones would fucking break. Oh, my God. Because of all the off angles. God. And it was used for the purpose of torture. Oh, God. [52:58] And then... [52:59] After the torture was complete in that respect, it would continue because the person would then be either removed from the wheel before death happened or... [53:10] you would be straight up bludgeoned to death. [53:13] And left on the wheel for everybody to see. And then there's other ways where you weren't bludgeoned to death. You were just left on that fucking wheel to die after they broke all your bones. [53:23] Whoa, how long do you think that would take? They said they could leave a beaten, broken body on that wheel for days. [53:30] And they would just slowly, infection would set in. And they'd go starving and hungry. Yeah, but honestly, they'd probably die from the infection quick.

[53:38] Because all those broken bones and shit, and I'm sure bones were popping through skin and stuff. Oh, God, that's nasty. Yeah. Yeah. [53:46] So... [53:47] If they were going to... [53:49] If they were using it for Caput, like, to kill you, then they basically would leave you up there and just keep administering beatings until you finally just died from the trauma. No thanks. I'm not interested. And no matter what, you were on public display during all this. Why did people like to watch shit like that back then? Shit was mayhem back then. Like, people used to, like, join in on stones and stuff. On stones. Stoning. [54:12] People were stoned back then. Yeah, they were just joining. No, I think they needed to be stoned. They did, because they used to bring, like, kids to, like, public hangings and guillotine executions. My first college English assignment back before I dropped out of college. Yes. Back in the Middle Ages. Was, like, a short story about... [54:29] Um... [54:30] Somebody getting stoned. And then we were supposed to write a paper about morals. Somebody getting stoned, like... [54:35] Smoking the movie. No, like, somebody getting, like... Legit stoned. Yeah, or, like... No, it wasn't stoned. It was, like, a book about, like, once a year they would have to, like... [54:46] pick a name out of like the town and that person would get stoned or hung. [54:51] It's called, like, The Election or something. It's like The Hunger Games. Yeah, literally. But we had to write a paper on it, and I remember reading it, and I was like, why am I in college? [54:59] Why am I in college? And then you were like, fuck this. And then I dropped out. Yeah. [55:04] Well, the next one, you're like back to reality, unfortunate reality, is called The Heretic's Fork.

[55:13] Forks are never good in torture unless you're eating. Now, this was specifically used for people who spoke out against the Catholic Church during the Middle Ages. Bye. [55:25] you know, witches, heretics. [55:27] All that good stuff. The usual. Basically, it was a double-ended fork. Both ends had two very sharp prongs on them. Oh, no. It would be attached to a leather collar device... [55:39] That would go around the victim's neck. No. This created a situation where the victim could not move their head from a strained upward position. No. And couldn't drop their jaw even a little bit. If they did, then... [55:51] prongs would pierce their neck and prongs would pierce their sternum area. And it wasn't like they would just be like, boop, that hurts a little. It was like, no, you're going to get impaled by this. Vlad the Impaler. It was very simple but very effective. And the whole thing was very poetic because it's like you spoke out against the church, so now you have to look up at your God that you don't believe in. Like that was the whole thing. You have to look up to heaven and we're forcing you to look up into the sky. I'd be like, but it's still not there. [56:21] The ceiling. It's like, please take this off of me. God, are you there? It's me, Margaret. It's me, Margaret. [56:28] Back in the Middle Ages. Judy Blume? That's where it originated. [56:32] Well, the next one has a little bit of... [56:36] Put a religion to it, too. Oh. It's called the Cradle of Judas. Oh. [56:41] Who's Judas again? Judas is, I know this, Judas is the guy that betrayed Jesus.

[56:47] To be honest with you, I thought that was Caesar. Well, it's the same situation. Like, Caesar had Brutus. Oh, Judas and Brutus. Like, etou Brute means, and you, Brutus? [56:57] Like, he turned around and was like, and you, you are my friend, I thought. And so Judas did the same thing. That was theatrical, yeah. I'm very theatrical. I went to theater camp. [57:07] And you had fun in high school. No, I'm just kidding. That actually does sound fun. I wanted to be in drama club, but my mom worked. So I couldn't be. I was in drama club for a long time. [57:18] Until senior year high school, I graduated. Yeah, I did cheerleading. Exactly. Exactly. So she's just trying to hide the real root of the issue here. Well, I wanted to do drama in middle school. I was only a cheerleader for one year. [57:30] Wow, it smelled like a lot longer. It sure did. You're telling me. I'm still dealing with the post-traumatic stress disorder. The scars that came from it, not the post-traumatic stress disorder. Sell the cookie dough. Sell it. Sell it. [57:42] Make the woo sound at the end of all your cheers. Oh, Jesus. Remember, you put me through so much hell. I did. I did. [57:48] I really did. It was self-prescribed, though. I set it up. You just made it so easy. But I also played softball. [57:55] Yeah, I did too. But I wasn't good, and the coach was also your coach, and he was like, why are you not like Elena? That's only because I played softball since the time I was like, [58:05] Whenever you can start T-ball, that's when I started. Yeah. And I played literally every season my whole life. Yeah. Fun little facts. [58:12] fun one of us was a cheerleader [58:16] One of us was a drama nerd.

[58:19] Who's who? Who's who? But you can't tell. You could totally pick us up in a lineup of who's who. 100%. 100%. I'm just glam. I don't think anyone is confusing me for a cheerleader. [58:30] The Cradle of Judas. Where did we go? We came out of that. I think this is not going to be a popular podcast. Now, this one is a doozy. I mean doozy when I say doozy. Doozy? Hold on to your butts, everybody. Hold on to your butts. I'm going to start saying. Hold on to your anus. Hold on to that rectum. This is another creation from the Spanish Inquisition. Keep my single front bum. [59:00] Oh, I hope someone gets that reference. I'm not going to say where it's from. I kind of want to. Keep icing your front bum. Swirling continues if you do not ice. [59:08] Don't say where it's from. Someone tell me you know what that's from. I want a DM. I want one. Please, please, please. We're begging. Okay. So this device is a wooden pyramid. [59:21] That's raised high on four legs. And on top of that pyramid is... [59:26] A spike! A spike! [59:29] It's the theme. The victim would then be stripped naked, and weights were attached to their ankles, and then they were hung by their arms and legs. [59:38] High above this device. Not interested. When the torture was to begin. [59:44] They would then be lowered slowly onto the period. Period.

[59:49] You know what I want to know, actually? Because in my mind, I was just not interested. I'm not showing up to my torture day. How did they not run away before? Oh, they would rip you out of your house. You weren't getting away. It's not like they were like, on Tuesday at 2. I don't know. You would be lowered onto a pyramid. The Middle Ages were fucked up. Maybe people were just so afraid of everything. But that's why they would never give you advance notice. [1:00:14] Because in the Middle Ages, they were just like bursting into your house being like, you thought an improper thought. So we're going to stick you on to this fucking. You are wrong, sir. I'm eating breakfast. The cradle of Judas for you. [1:00:27] So, yeah. So they'd be lowered slowly onto this pyramid, which would cause the spike to penetrate their perineum region. Which is your anus. Your butt. [1:00:37] And... [1:00:38] gravity, body weight, and the added weights would cause the person to sink onto the stake with no resistance [1:00:46] Now this torture would last for hours [1:00:49] And usually the victim was left on this thing all fucking night. [1:00:52] Natural instinct, like if you think about it, if you sit on something that hurts your bum, [1:00:57] Your natural instinct is to rock back and forth to alleviate the pain. Yeah, to be like, ooh, that hurt. To try to get yourself off of it, kind of. Same thing with the Iron Maiden, like we were saying. Exactly. Your natural instinct would take over. But doing that in this case would just rip the wound larger and sink you lower onto the stake. This is like... [1:01:16] The hemorrhoid from hell. They should have called it the hemorrhoid hole maker.

[1:01:21] Ha ha ha. [1:01:22] They should have just called it the hemorrhoid. Yeah. Six Flags should come out with a ride like that. Six Flags should not come out with a ride like that. I'm just kidding. Because I don't want to know the kind of people that would go on that ride. It's like Dark Tourist. That's real Dark Tourist shit. I just gave that guy an idea for his horror house. I don't even think, he's probably like, no thank you. I do not want to explore that. Ew. [1:01:45] Um, so these people would often bleed to death, or the infection from the spike never being fucking cleansed between torture sessions would definitely kill them. Oh, that's like... [1:01:55] dysentery, right? [1:01:57] Dysentery is... [1:01:58] poopy. Pooping a lot. [1:02:00] Like diarrhea. [1:02:02] So it would cause dysentery. [1:02:05] No, it would cause internal damage. Death. It's not going to cause you to... [1:02:10] Have diarrhea. It's going to cause your entire abdomen to explode. Cesspool. [1:02:15] Are you just saying words? What's it? What is it if you get, like, typhoid disease? Like, people just, like... Because... [1:02:25] Like their waist was on the thing, and then it got into other people's waist. I just saw a little trail of smoke come out of your ears. [1:02:33] Something just popped in there. And you tried very hard to get that. No, do you know what I mean, though? Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, infection. [1:02:43] Yeah. Yeah. But, like, poop infection is a different kind of infection. I mean, if you want it to be a poop infection. Well, it would be. It's your bum. It's not.

[1:02:53] Yeah. [1:02:54] This is a spike that's ripping into your internal organs. That's where the infection happens, not pooping. No, I'm not saying they're pooping. I'm saying it goes in their butt so a little bit of poop gets on it, and then the poop gets in your organs. For sure. So that's where the infection comes from. For sure, and like other bodily fluids. Right. Yeah. That's all I was saying. Cesspool. [1:03:19] But I like it. Remember when I told that story of me dropping out of college? [1:03:24] Here we are. Here we sit. [1:03:27] They're like, go back to college, dumbass. Oh, shit. So that's the cradle of Jesus. Oh, shit. The cradle of Jesus. [1:03:35] That's the cradle of Judas. So that's the cradle of Jesus. I don't think the cradle of Jesus would be as... [1:03:41] metal. I don't know. I don't know, man. [1:03:56] I hate how traditional security systems lock you into these long-term contracts and you have to read every fine detail, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's awful. And then when you want to cancel it, it's like $600. Are you kidding me? No.

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[1:08:00] Just go to a different spot. Go to your happy place because this isn't going to be good. Then a half cage with an open top would be placed on their stomach with the open top facing their skin. And inside that container would be rats. Oh, God. Next. Who thinks of this? [1:08:17] Not I. Like, who thought of these things? Some really messed up people. Yeah. Some really messed up people. I mean, I guess it would kind of be easy because you just think of, like, the worst... [1:08:26] stuff that would make you insane. Well, like, what's so wrong with your mind so that you would do it to someone? Exactly. [1:08:32] This is, you know, serial killers. It's morbid. Very morbid. Yeah. [1:08:39] So... [1:08:39] This was bad enough because it was just creepy. [1:08:42] But then the cage where the rats were would be heated in some way. Oh, disgusting. So the rats would desperately scurry around and try to escape the heat. Well, where's the only place they can go? Inside of your chest. It can only go down. So these rats would violently burrow through the abdomen of the victim while they were chained to a table, unable to move. Oh, good. So basically they would tear through your intestines. Yeah. [1:09:08] And once you tear through the intestines, forget about it. You're septic. That's it. Cesspool. Yeah. You are a cesspool. Yeah. You don't want to hit the poop pipe, kid. [1:09:16] that's a line from a really good movie that you should watch called pathology i almost just said called autopsy called not called autopsy but called pathology i think our listeners would like that movie i've seen it it's a good movie it's a good movie and at one point they're doing an autopsy and they hit

[1:09:32] the intestine and he says you don't want you don't want to hit the poop pipe kid [1:09:37] And it's a really good motto for life. So there's a variation on this. Sometimes you hit the poop pipe in your life. You do. Yeah. Everybody hits the poop pipe at some time. You can have a poop pipe week. Yeah. Yeah. [1:09:48] And it's, you know, [1:09:50] Just got to keep on moving. Sorry, anyways. Suture that shit up and keep on moving. Yeah. So a variation on this was instead of placing the rats just directly against the flesh... [1:09:59] Amen. [1:10:00] They would use a telescopic tube to guide the rats inside the prisoner's body through the rectum or the vagine. [1:10:09] Yeah. [1:10:09] What? Yeah. [1:10:11] They would guide the rats up there. So they would, like, block one end and stick the other end that way, so the only way they were going... [1:10:17] What is up? [1:10:19] And rats will just be like, oh, all right. I'll just burrow through this. I'll burrow through this hoo-ha. Yeah, they don't know the difference, though. Like, it's a dark hole. Did the rats die, too, probably? [1:10:28] Uh, I don't think they would die right away, because they're just going in there. Oh my god. They'll be fine. So you would just die with rats inside you? Yeah. [1:10:36] Pretty much. Gross. Yeah. Yeah. [1:10:38] And they would just, like, destroy your insides. [1:10:41] So let's see, where do I want to end? Cause I have like two little ones and then one big one. [1:10:47] And not a high note, like a big note. Okay, so I'll go next to the Glasgow Smile. [1:10:53] Oh, yeah. This is Scotland. Our people. Maybe we don't want to tell them that right now. Now, if you've ever seen The Dark Knight, you've seen one of these. You've seen some shit. It's also known as the Cheshire Grin among the London street gangs, but it originated in Glasgow, Scotland.

[1:11:11] Basically, two small incisions are made at the corner of the victim's mouth. [1:11:16] And as the victim was beat or stabbed, muscle contractions in the face would make those wounds extend upwards towards the ears. And make it this big fucking terrifying ear-to-ear smile. [1:11:26] If left untreated, [1:11:29] Some people would die as a result of severe infection or exsanguination, which is just acute blood loss. Exsanguination? [1:11:40] Yes. Yes. [1:11:41] I like that word, but it's awful. It's a good word. Exsanguination. I mean, it's a bad thing, but it's a good word. [1:11:46] One famous example of this is the Black Dahlia. [1:11:50] Oh, yeah. Which, it's terrifying. And some people... [1:11:54] There's actually, like, actors or directors or something, one of them, that, like, I can't remember his name, but he was a victim of this in, like, a barf. [1:12:01] like, fight. A bar fight? Or bar brawl. Someone, and he has scars. Yeah. [1:12:06] like, like, oh my God, dark night. Yeah. I can't remember his name. Of course I didn't write that down. You know what I want to do? Um, cause you said the black doll. Yeah. I want to do an episode on the Cecil hotel and like all the weird shit that's happened. Oh yeah. We'll definitely do this. Yeah, for sure. [1:12:21] That's a really good one because there's all kinds of crazy connections to that place. There's so much shit. [1:12:26] This one's a quick one. It's another one that's exactly what it sounds like. Saw torture. [1:12:30] So they would tickle you with a feather. [1:12:33] I saw a picture of this when I was doing the research for mine, and the people just look so happy. Yeah, they're psyched. They're just like, da-ba-do-ba-da. Like the people doing it, I mean. Yeah, they probably sung.

[1:12:43] uh the victim is hung upside down in this case by their ankles and a saw is used to cut them from the groin all the way to the sternum oh sometimes the poor person would stay alive until they hid the midsection or even the chest in some instances because all the blood's at your head well they that's the thing they were upside down so they did that so blood would rush to your head and so that it because when that happens you're [1:13:07] You're stopping blood loss. [1:13:09] Oh, so this person would be able to live. And if you're hitting certain spots in the abdomen, you're not going to die right away. Oh, God. Yeah. So that's awful. [1:13:18] No, another one. I have two more. [1:13:22] One's a big one, one's a littler one. End on the big one. Drawn and quartered. Oh. Everybody's heard of this, I'm sure. It's usually reserved for high treason. [1:13:33] And it began in 1283 England. Good band name. High Treason. High Treason. [1:13:39] I like it. Hello, Philadelphia. We are high-chasing. We are high-chasing. [1:13:43] I like it. Hello, Wisconsin! [1:13:46] I like how you were in Boston. You picked like two of them. You were like Philadelphia. [1:13:52] Typhoid So in Drown and Quartered Victims were often hanged to the point of near death And then taken down [1:14:01] They were already like, well, you're still. Yeah, that's not OK. So that sucks. And then so they were taken down right before they died. [1:14:10] And then they were tied to something... [1:14:12] and disemboweled.

[1:14:14] Oh, yeah. [1:14:16] So really just skip a lot of steps. Disembowelment is just too extra. It's a lot. [1:14:21] You'd die from that, obviously, right? Well, then the entrails would be burned. [1:14:25] And the victim's limbs were then tied with ropes. [1:14:29] The other end of the ropes are tied to horses, and then the horses are just like lightly encouraged to take off and run. [1:14:36] So, boom, by limbs. The victim would then be beheaded, and... [1:14:43] the head would be displayed. [1:14:45] Wow. Extra. Extra. [1:14:47] Now, a famous one of the victim of this was Scottish Patriot Sir William Wallace. He was killed this way after leading the Scottish resistance against the English. [1:14:58] And on August 5th, 1305, he was arrested near Glasgow and taken to England to be killed as a traitor to the king, Edward I, even though he never swore an allegiance to him. So it's kind of bullshit. So technically he's going to be a traitor. Yeah. [1:15:13] So whatever. Stupid. So yeah, that's drawn and quartered. Now this one we'll leave on a high note. [1:15:19] Or really low note. However you want to look at it. We're going to end on flaying. [1:15:23] Oh. So this is real, and it's not just the sigil for House Bolton on Game of Thrones. I thought you were going to talk to me about Bobby Flay. [1:15:33] I love Bobby Flay. So first in flaying, [1:15:38] Your skin has to be tenderized. The tortured, you know, wants a status... You know how when you, like, peel off, like, a face mask and it's, like, all in one skin?

[1:15:46] Sheet. That's actually one of my favorite things. And it feels very satisfying. Or like when you peel off a sunburn. Exactly. I know it's like... [1:15:51] So that's what the torturer was going for. He didn't want to have to work for this shit. He wanted satisfaction. So the victim would either be left out in the hot sun all day while their skin burned. Oh. Oh. [1:16:01] Or they would be dipped into a vat of boiling water just until they were almost boiled alive. Just until they were right, Christy. Just got the skin nice and loose. [1:16:09] And it also just like... [1:16:11] prolonged the experience, which is always something they're looking for. Now, when they would start to flay you. [1:16:19] They would usually begin with the face skin, so you would have your entire face peeled. [1:16:24] It's like a super nightmarish chemical peel. Oh. And then cuts would be made around your arms, wrists, chest, neck, and ankles, because this would make it easier for the skin to come off in one satisfying piece. [1:16:40] And... [1:16:41] You didn't want all kinds of little ones because... [1:16:43] You wanted to be able to display the full, all the sheets, and it would look like a person's skin. So going back to Australia, like we did last week, I listened once to a case where, like, this, I'm pretty sure it was Australia, and this lady did that to her husband and then hung him up in the doorway. Oh, yeah. [1:17:02] That's fucked. Yeah. That's intense. Like, he did some real shit. Yeah, he did some shit. No, nobody deserves that. That's fucked up. But, like, you have to be real mad. [1:17:09] Yeah, she was pissed. But she was also, like, loco into cabeza. [1:17:13] I imagine she was. That's a lot of work. Yeah. Well, then the cuts are only extended into the epidermis.

[1:17:21] and stopped where the muscle begins. [1:17:24] Oh. So that hurts more. Fuck. And they knew that back then. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. [1:17:30] and [1:17:31] No, in the ancient church of Hadstock in Essex. [1:17:36] actually had a legend of a Dane who had committed sacrilege and he was flayed for punishment. [1:17:42] His skin was then spread out and nailed to the door of the church. Wow. As a super subtle warning to others. That's far too subtle. Now, when the door needed repair later, they found... [1:17:52] Pieces of human skin still under the nails. [1:17:55] So that's like actually happened. Ew. And then at another cathedral in England, I believe it's there's a large slab of human skins like on display. And it was of another Dane who was a Viking who tried to steal the church's bell. [1:18:11] Which, like, whoa. Why were you trying to steal the church's bell? And it's like, you tried to steal the church's bell and they flayed you? Like, damn. They were like, don't touch our fucking bell. Now, the reason... I'm sure all of you are wondering, like, huh. [1:18:24] What would it feel like to be flayed? I'm not wondering that, to be honest. I'm sure everyone is wondering, right? I thought I was hungry and I'm not anymore. I'm actually so hungry, but of course you are. What's that picture that Vasco drew of you eating a sandwich? Oh yeah, my friend Vasco, who's an amazing artist. [1:18:41] And you should go find him. Yeah, that's a cool picture. He drew a picture of me during an autopsy eating a sandwich. Which is like pretty believable. I'll have to post that picture and tag him in it. You should. Because it's a great photo.

[1:18:54] So the reason this... [1:18:56] hurts like hell, is that nerve endings extend really deep into the layers of your skin, and that enables your sense of touch. Like, it's why your fingertips are really sensitive. [1:19:08] And if you've ever had a paper cut, you know that shit hurts more than anything. This response is caused by nociceptors. So those are sensory nerve cells that respond to pain. [1:19:20] Science. Science. That was odd. Flaying involves tearing the skin away from the muscle, not cutting it. So it's the ripping motion that means your nerve endings are just, they're not being severed, severed cleanly. Instead, they're just fucking torn to shreds. So your nerve endings are just being like, [1:19:40] Bombarded. Yeah. It's not like a clean cut that they can like recover from. Um, you're going to feel your skin being pulled off every bit of muscle. Oh my God. And you're literally going to feel your nerve endings die. [1:19:52] Like you're going to feel every nerve ending die. You're going to feel all of it. So despite the fact that those administering the torture – [1:20:00] may also be hitting you or hanging you upside down to keep you awake and alert, which they often did. You may lose consciousness from blood loss. [1:20:08] From pain and fear or because your brain is most definitely going to go into self-preservation mode and just start shutting shit down. Right. Which thank goodness for our brains. For real. [1:20:19] Or you could die from hypothermia, even if it's not cold out. Because you don't have your skin to protect you anymore? Yeah, because your skin is the biggest and one of the most vital organs in the human body. And it regulates temperature, it protects all the other organs and systems in the body. So not only that, but you're exposed completely to infection.

[1:20:39] You will definitely die because of all that. [1:20:43] Without your skin, you can repair and regenerate skin. Without your skin, you want nothing. But once you've lost that much skin, your body can't regenerate that much skin, obviously. [1:20:53] There's an interesting story that I heard from another podcast that's... [1:20:58] Amazing. You should all go listen to lore. [1:21:02] I'm sure a lot of people have listened to it. Yes, I love that. Aaron Manke is amazing. He's a great host. And he has the show on Amazon now. Well, that's what I was thinking of. He has a show on Amazon called Lore. Lore. [1:21:11] And there's a story of Peter Stueb. [1:21:14] and he was a crazy serial killer and cannibal who was caught after what they thought. [1:21:19] What was thought to be a werewolf was killing men, women, and children in Germany in the 16th century. Oh, yeah. I remember watching that with you. So he's called like a werewolf. Really, he's just a dick. So back in 1589, Peter Stube was arrested and formally accused of being an insatiable bloodsucker. [1:21:37] and evidence was provided that he had, quote, gorged on the flesh of goats, lambs, and sheep, [1:21:42] as well as men, women, and children for over 25 years. That's horrible. [1:21:47] So when he was caught, he was facing torture. So he confessed to having murdered and eaten, quote, 14 children and two pregnant women. Jesus. So he was a piece of shit. [1:21:58] Now, you would have thought that he would have stopped there. [1:22:01] Well, he was, like, relatively ahead because he was confeshing. Confeshing. He was confeshing. When you confess. You just got to get that shit out. No.

[1:22:10] He then declared that he, quote, extracted a fetus from a pregnant woman's womb and ate their hearts panting hot and raw. Jesus. And he also confessed to having regular sex with his daughter and having had intercourse with a, quote, succubus sent to him by the devil. [1:22:27] So his execution was prolonged torture, obviously. Apparently. So flesh was torn from his body in ten places with red-hot pinchers. Ooh. Yeah. [1:22:39] Followed by his arms and his legs. They also pulled this, so they flayed him. Oh, wow. With red-hot pinchers. [1:22:45] Then his limbs were broken with the blunt side of an axe head on the wheel. So they added in the wheel to this. This is like a nice little, like... They're not really crafty for this one. It's like a casserole of torture. Yeah. Just all of them. Throw them in the crockpot last week. Just throw them in one crockpot. And to... That was to... Now, to prevent him from returning from the grave, they then beheaded him. [1:23:06] and burned his body on a pyre. [1:23:08] Wow. Now his daughter and mistress were also flayed and strangled and burned. Is that fair? Well, it was as a preventative measure against similar wolfish behavior. As if they were a wolf. So they thought, because they thought he was a werewolf, that was the whole thing. They were like, well, they must be werewolves too. [1:23:26] And... [1:23:28] Then after all this was done... [1:23:30] The wheel was erected on a pole with the figure of a wolf on it and topped by Peter Stoob's severed head. Whoa. [1:23:39] So that's the story of flying. And also, Ramsay Snow did it on Game of Thrones. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Remember he says it about that...

[1:23:50] Uh... [1:23:51] Oh, the kid that they hung up, right? Sansa's... No, it's Sansa's, like, nurse. Remember? She was, like, an old woman. And he says something like, tough old bird... [1:23:59] Like she was alive until we got to her neck or something like that. And I was like, ah. [1:24:03] Oh, wow. [1:24:04] Ramsey Snow, man. [1:24:06] Yeah. Can we tell them our announcement? Oh, yay! We have a fun announcement. Now, we don't have a date for this yet. We're still in talks, but I'm really excited to announce it. It's in the works. So I'm hoping... [1:24:16] Don't yell at us if it doesn't happen. So we were watching Dark Taurus. We were watching Dark Taurus, and... [1:24:22] We were watching the episode where he goes to New Orleans and he talks to people who are vampires. [1:24:29] Now we recognized this... [1:24:32] Beautiful couple of vampires that are married. They're so dope. They really are. And we were like, wait a second, where have we seen them before? I literally texted Elena and I was like, are those the people that were on True Life? And they were, they were on MTV's True Life, like two episodes. Yeah. Because they were on the episode back in 2014, they were in an episode, Respect My Sect, and [1:24:53] And it was following Daly, who is the vampire queen of Austin. Uh-huh. [1:24:58] And... [1:24:59] And her husband, but it was focusing on her. And then it was in another episode in 2016... [1:25:05] True Life, I'm a Witch, where, like... [1:25:08] Somebody is part of this court still, so you get to see Daly and her husband. [1:25:13] Logan, who's the vampire king of Austin... [1:25:16] They have a vampire court of Austin where they have like more than 50 members, according to the true life.

[1:25:21] Wow. Episode, and I'm sure they have more now. I mean, yeah, it makes sense. And they are vampires and... [1:25:28] We were fascinated by it. And they seem like they're just, like, so in love. And I love their relationship. Their Instagrams are, like... It's adorable. And also, like... [1:25:38] We were kind of inspired by the fact that they're just like unabashedly who they are. [1:25:43] Well, that's the thing. [1:25:45] It's like... [1:25:46] makes you want to know them. Because... [1:25:49] I mean, how many of us can say that we just are unapologetically who we are all the time? And they found each other, which is nice. So... [1:25:58] We reached out to them. And we reached out. [1:26:02] Talk to Daily. [1:26:03] And asked her if she would ever want to speak to us for the podcast. And she was... [1:26:08] Kind enough to say she would, her and Logan would love to talk to us. So we are setting up. [1:26:15] An interview with the king and queen vampire of the Vampire Court of Austin, Logan and Daly South. [1:26:21] and we could not be happier. We are so excited. Your dog is making the most disgusting noises next to me. I'm really sorry. We are so excited. We're going to have a date for you guys. We'll let you know because I think we're going to do it soon. Yeah. So get excited. We're going to be talking to the vampire king and queen of Austin. It's not a big deal. We'll kind of mesh it in with a whole episode devoted to vampirism because it's a really fascinating subject. [1:26:50] Stop looking at my dog. I'm sorry. I'm sure you guys are going to be...

[1:26:55] super into. Yeah. [1:26:57] It's interesting and awesome. It is really interesting. So, yeah, look forward to that. Check us out on Instagram, Morbid Podcast. And download us, subscribe, leave us reviews, rate us, tell your friends, shout it from the rooftops. [1:27:13] Just don't fillet anyone. Just don't fillet anyone. But you can Bobby fillet someone. There you go. So, yeah, hope you liked our... [1:27:21] Our foray into torture. We hope you keep it weird. [1:27:26] Bye. Bye. [1:27:29] Huzzah. Huzzah. [1:27:31] Mutton. [1:27:33] Again. [1:27:34] I don't know any other medieval foods. [1:27:37] Potatoes. Gravy. Right? Potatoes are really good. Just say gravy. Gravy. It's over now. [1:28:01] Thank you. [1:28:08] Let's be real.

[1:28:39] Hello, I'm Ozempic. And I'm other GLP ones, kind of like him. Are you shaking a maraca? Nope, I'm shaking the pill version of Ozempic, which no one should ever do except in ads like this. A nice disclaimer. Hey, thanks. Ask your doctor about which FDA-approved uses of the Ozempic pen or pill may be right for you. Call 1-833-OZEMPIC or visit Ozempic.com to view the medication guide and learn more about Ozempic semaglutide tablets, 9 mg, and Ozempic semaglutide injection, 2 mg. There's a pill version of Ozempic! [1:29:08] you